just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
