I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Watching her eat just hurts me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So apparently I’m into choking now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
