I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
