So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
