Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
