Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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