Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
