im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
