ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
