Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
