If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
