So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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