Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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