He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
