My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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