If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
