I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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