My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
