all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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