You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
