All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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