I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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