at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
