after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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