Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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