OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
