alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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