we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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