YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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