she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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