I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
