the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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