K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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