the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
