Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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