Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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