While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
