The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
