How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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