Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
