At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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