Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
