I hate your face
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
