So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
