On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
