a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
