I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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