It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
