Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
