im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
