Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
