just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
