Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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