Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
