Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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