wanna go halves on a baby?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
