After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
